In a move coming out of nowhere, Mike Dunleavy has fired himself as head coach of the Los Angeles Clippers (he fired himself, because Dunleavy is also the General Manager of the Clippers, so he makes all of the personnel decisions). What makes this news so shocking is the fact that the Clippers have underachieved every year for the past four seasons, since they went to the Western Conference Semi-Finals. I mean, any coach in the league would have kept their job, right? The best answer is no. Dunleavy should have been fired years ago, so this news came as no surprise, which got me thinking of other big news stories, that really weren’t that big.
1. Mark McGwire Announcing He Did Steroids
File this under, no shit sherlock. McGwire making this annoucement a few weeks ago was as about as shocking as the Clippers firing Mike Dunleavy.
2. Jay Leno Taking Back the Tonight Show
Did you really think he would say no? If we learned anything from the whole Late-Night debacle, it’s that Jay Leno is an asshole. Him taking his show back after Conan refused to be pushed to 12:30, was as shocking as Mark McGwire announcing that he did steroids.
3. Jon and Kate Getting Divorced
Watching ten minutes of their show was enough to see that they were on a car crash waiting to happened. I mean this divorce was as bout as surprising as Jay Leno taking back the tonight show.
4. Bill O’Reily’s an Asshole
About as shocking as Jon and Kate getting divorced.
Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton have been suspended for the rest of the NBA season, for pointing unloaded guns at each other in the middle of the Washington Wizards locker room. Is that harsh? I don’t think so, but I am smelling some PUNNY NY Post headlines.
Just in time for the NFL Conference Championship, I have a new podcast with guest Pat Keane. Pat has been on the “Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson” and “Live from Gotham”, and at his website: www.citizenkeane.com
So, to some people to be a professional athlete is their dream, but what do professional athletes dream about? Apparently, they dream about entering the priesthood. Oakland Athletics prospect, and MVP of the 2009 Arizona Fall League, Grant Desme (a former Cal Poly Mustang I may add), is leaving baseball to become a priest. I guess I can’t really fault the guy for standing up for what he believes in, but what I don’t understand is that God gave you the gift to play baseball. Couldn’t the priesthood wait until after that?
So, there is another story that happened over the weekend that is worth pointing out, and that is the UConn Women’s Basketball team destroyed #7 Duke 81-48 for their 57th consecutive victory, in front of a packed house at Cameron Indoor Stadium. This a pretty crazy feat, 57 wins in a row, and a packed house for a women’s basketball game. Which got me thinking, why can’t the same excitement that can be generated for women’s college basketball game, be generated for the WNBA. In the WNBA, attendance is down, and so are the ratings, and the league is in serious danger of going under. That being said, I have five full proof ways to raise attendance in the WNBA.
1. Change the Mascots
I don’t know why newer leagues have the impulse to think of team names that have never been done before, but when you have mascots like the Sky, the Dream, and the Sparks, it doesn’t really give your fans a lot to hold on to. There is nothing wrong with being the Eagles, the Bears, the Bulls. A Minnesota Viking fan wants to dress up for a game, do you know what he dresses up as? A Viking. What does a Sky fan dress as? Seriously.
2. Lower the Rims
I hate to say this because they don’t lower the rims in college basketball, but college basketball doesn’t have an attendance issue. Seriously lower the rims to 9 feet, and let the women dunk on each other. Right now, Candace Parker is the only one dunking, and the league plays it up. Imagine if everyone was.
3. Change the Locations
If Tennessee and Duke Women’s basketball sells out all of the time, why not put a WNBA team there? I mean, having teams in LA, NY, and Chicago is kind of smart, because there really isn’t a lot to do in those cities, especially in the summer time. Oh wait, THERE’S TONS OF STUFF TO DO! Have the teams play in the same arenas where popular college teams play, and there is bound to be increased attendance.
4. Two words: Legalized Gambling
Make it legal to bet on WNBA games, but you have to do it, AT the games. Just put a little sports book next to the hot dog stand, and people can do halftime parlays with other games. Sure, this may attract a seedy element to the game, but hey revenue is revenue, right Tim Donaghy?
5. Win 57 Games in a Row
It seems to be working for UConn, so let’s pick a team, say the Atlanta Bears, formerly the Atlanta Dream, are going to not lose for a few season. You have some teams throw some games so the streak is in tact, this increases the betting, and everyone wins.
Will any of these ideas be implemented, that remains to be seen, but I like to think that I have done my part in helping the WNBA. Now, I just hope my girlfriend doesn’t kill me for the last 500 or so words I have just said.
I was in Davenport, Iowa over the weekend for a wedding, so yesterday was a travel day, however, I was able to stay up on the sports weekend. BIYATCH!
PRO FOOTBALL
1. J-E-T-S, Fucking Jets! The Jets, with their rookie quarterback, somehow went into San Diego, a team that had won 11 in a row, and beat the Chargers 17-14. They uses a solid running attack, and rookie quarterback Mark Sanchez actually made some plays, to which Pro Bowl quarterback, Phillip Rivers had no answer. So now it’s the Jets and the Colts this weekend to see who will be the AFC representative in the Super Bowl.
Oh, and the Chargers responded to the terrible loss, by giving Norv Turner more money. Awesome.
2. Bye, Bye Kurt Warner. You had a great career, but you are going out after getting totally dismantled by the New Orleans Saints. I mean just destroyed. Sorry to see you go out like this, but you have had some amazing seasons, and are probably one of the greatest success stories in the history of the league. And your wife inspired hairstyles throughout the greater St. Louis area for years to come.
PRO BASKETBALL
1. Dear World, Tracy McGrady is not playing right now, in fact he has only played in a few games all season. SO WHY THE HELL ARE YOU VOTING HIM INTO THE ALL-STAR GAME!!!!! It’s not 2006, it’s 2010, and Tracy hasn’t had an All-Star year since maybe 2008. Keep voting for him to start, and I pray they will be forced to take away your privilege to vote for the NBA starters. Seriously, Seriously. Pick up a newspaper. READ THE FUCKING INTERNET! He’s not playing, so why are voting for him?! WHY?!!!!
2. Don’t look now, but the Bobcats are on the prowl. The ‘Cats are purring with a record in 2010 that will make you roar (7-1), and are scoring points with a feline fervor. Led by the recently acquired Cat, Stephen Jackson (who scratched his way to his 10,000 point on Saturday, meow!), these Bobcats, are no longer kittens, but mighty Cat warriors filled with catnip. Cats, Cats, Cats.
COLLEGE BASKETBALL
1. Remember when Purdue was undefeated. Conan O’Brien was hosting the Tonight Show, “Avatar” was the number one movie in America, and the Jets were fighting for a playoff spot. Well, those times are long gone as the Boliermakers lost their third game in a row to the Northwestern Wildcats on Saturday. Now, either Purdue was overrated or the Big Ten is really good this season. Which one is it? I don’t know, but isn’t this a fun sign:
2. Cal Poly San Luis Obispo, my alma mater, continues it’s surprising tear through the Big West Conference (It’s my blog, I can talk about whatever the hell I want). They have a record of 3-2 in conference, and 6-10 overall, including a big win over Long Beach State on Saturday, led by sophomore David Hanson. I don’t know about you guys, but I am starting to get a little bit of Mustang March Madness Fever. Anyone? Anyone?
NATIONAL HOCKEY LEAGUE
1. There were twelve games on Saturday. Twelve. With the first game starting at 11pm PST (no East Coast Bias here), and the last game starting at 7pm PST. That is a lot of games (more than 75% of the league is in action), so instead of NFL Sunday, it was like NHL Saturday. Right? Right?
So I guess I should comment on the whole USC thing, since I hate USC, but actually respect Pete Carroll and Lane Kiffin. Basically, what has happened is Pete Carroll left USC to coach the Seattle Seahawks, while Lane Kiffin left the University of Tennessee Volunteers to coach the USC Trojans. There. So what I thought I would do is create some of my own NY Post Headlines “punny” headlines for this story.
So here we go.
SEATTLE SEAS THEIR HAWK
LATE CHRISTMAS CARROLL FOR SEAHAWKS
“US-C YA!” SAYS COACH CARROLL
USC IS CHANGING LANES
TENNESSEE VOLUNTEERS THEIR COACH
KIFFIN LEAVES EARLY, NEEDS A TROJAN
and my personal favorite,
CARROLL OUT, KIFF-IN!
I think I am going to start doing this once a week, so check back, and think of some yourself and add them in the comments section.
Monday sucked for me, and Tuesday has been busy too, but here is the Weekend Wrap-Up. Will hopefully have a new podcast up soon as well. Will be in Iowa over the weekend for a wedding, so maybe there will be some Mid-West Blogging about the NFL Playoffs.
And that’s where we will start:
NFL PLAYOFFS
1. The game of the weekend was the Green Bay Packers vs. the Arizona Cardinals, a game in which the Kurt Warners won, 51-45 in Overtime. Remember when I called the Cardinals the “Delonte Wests” of the NFL (for the non-NBA fans it means they are bipolar). All this season, any time the Cardinals went up, they went right back down. This week would be a great week for the Cardinals to prove me right. Not because I hate the Cardinals, I just hate being wrong.
2. How about them Cowmen? Am I saying that right? The Cowboys have quietly won some big games lately, as they beat the Philadelphia Eagles two straight weeks, and Tony Romo is playing out of his mind. This week: the Minnesota Favres. Should be fun.
2a. Pete Carroll leaving USC to coach the Seahawks. I hate USC, so I love this. But I have to wonder if Pete is going to do stuff like this in the NFL:
PRO BASKETBALL
1. Don’t look now, but the Clippers have won four games in a row, including a win against the Lakers. Is it time to catch Clipper Playoff Fever? Probably not yet, but play is definitely improving.
2. The Detroit Pistons have lost 12 games in a row, if was writing this on Saturday, but it being Tuesday, they have lost 13 games in a row. Now, this team has a lot of their key players (Tayshaun Prince, Rip Hamilton, and Ben Gordon) in and out of the line-up due to injuries, but 13 in a row? Maybe, you should have kept Iverson…No, I think you made the right choice there. The wrong choice was to led Sheed go. At least so he can do this again:
COLLEGE BASKETBALL
1. The #1 team in the nation, the University of Kansas, lost to the University of Tennessee on Sunday, who were ranked #15. A 15 beating at 1 isn’t a big deal in January, but what makes this win a big deal is Tennessee was playing without four key players (one dismissed from the team, and three awaiting big trouble). So they only dressed eight guys. Then, two of the top remaining players got into early foul trouble, so six players beat the “best” team in the country. What does this mean? Parity baby. Parity.
2. This isn’t a national story, but it’s a big deal to me, as I just switched to AT&T U-verse, and now I get ESPNU and the Big Ten Network, so I am now in College Basketball heaven. I mean, I watched UC Davis vs, UC Santa Barbara. Big West Basketball BABY!!!!
2a. This is not from the weekend, but Rick Pitino busted out the white suit again last night. Looking good baby. Let’s go to a TGI Friday’s!
PROFESSIONAL HOCKEY
1. As per my friend Chris, I am going to integrate some hockey into the weekly wrap-up, so here we go. Apparently, the Prudential Center in Newark, NJ, did not pay their power bill, as during the New Jersey Devils vs Tampa Bay Lightning game on Friday night, the lights went out in the arena during the second period. Now, it’s not crazy for lights to go out during a game, but here is the thing…they never came back on. THEY DID NOT COME BACK ON!!! They had to reschedule the game for the next day, and people were refunded their money, and in the end, the Devils lost. Maybe the team would have some more pride on the ice, if they felt like the team could actually PAY TO KEEP THE LIGHTS ON!
The College Football season officially ended last night (although for me it ended after Notre Dame lost to Stanford) as Alabama beat Texas 37-21 in the Bullshit Championship Game. Why is it bullshit? Because yet again we have two teams that have finished undefeated, and there is one “champion”, because the NCAA refuses to have a tournament. Basically, I feel unfulfilled which got me thinking of other things that have left people unfulfilled.
1. Michael Bay Movies
Sure he can blow stuff up, but how about actually attaching a competent film around it. Is it too much to ask? I mean, the bombing sequence in the movie “Pearl Harbor” is some really amazing filmmaking. Too bad the AWFUL love-triangle takes up most of the movie. Don’t get me started on “The Island”, and fuck “Transformers”.
2. Crystal Pepsi
It looks like Sprite, but it “tastes” like Pepsi. However, it never took off. I kind of want one, “Right Now”. Remember because the commercial had that song…you remember…anyone?
3. Episode One
Who wants to see a nine year-old Darth Vader?
“nuff said.
4. Michael Olowakandi
Former #1 pick in the draft was supposed to be the next great center in the league. What is he doing now? Probably shooting dice with Harold Minor, Sam Bowie, and Ed O’Bannon.
5. Al Capone’s Vault
Remember when Geraldo fooled America into thinking that Al Capone’s vault was something that we all needed to see. Well, guess what? We didn’t.
6. Emily’s Reason’s Why Not?
This failed ABC series, starring Heather Graham, only aired one episode, after the advertised the fuck out of the show. You couldn’t walk two feet without seeing a bilboard, or a bus sign, or someone from ABC itself stopping you on the street and asking you to watch it. However, after ONE EPISODE, they were like, “eh, we’ve had a good run”.
